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No, this isn't about Sir Steve Appleness, but rather employment prospects for any wannabe coders, artists and game designers. We are always looking for new talent. Old talent we find doesn't smell so good.

The main requirements to come work at Jatzan are of course a fluency in Latin, the industry standard language for app development. Objective C, Java and other such inferior languages do not give a modern day app designer the tools to create truly inspiring apps. Apple realized their mistake and Xcode 5 (the beta version we helped develop) has full Latino support, so you can "Veni, Vidi, Vici" to your hearts content. Thankfully, the Motorola patents that Google purchased do not cover Latin, so neither Google nor Oracle can halt our progress. At Jatzan we recently bought (acquired) the Da Vinci patents including the Visual Basic code and design for the first helicopter. Interestingly, the core of his design revolved around the following insidiously complex code.

10       rotate blade 1° clockwise
20       goto 10

A stroke of genius, no less?
Of course, Da Vinci's first installation had no procedural structure and no way to break out of a loop, unless of course the helicopter actually hit something while doing a loop, in which case it would literally break out of a loop.

Anyway, if you are looking for a position as a JNC and can get your head around the code above, then we’d love to hear from you. No seriously, we would/wouldn’t.

All applicants must send us the following information:
Name; telephone; address; email; amazon, ebay, gmail and adsense passwords; and of course tell us what you can do and why we should employ you.
Your application is more likely to be reviewed favorably if accompanied by a bottle of Dom Romane Conti. If you don’t know what that is, then you will be happy to know that at Jatzan, we pay our best employees with one bag of gummy bears every week.

At Jatzan, we are a forward and caring company. We don’t like to refer to our staff as “employees”, with all the derogatory connotations that implies. Rather we refer to staff as servants, slaves, labor resource, deadwood, mushrooms, Specially Loved And Valuable Eventual Stars. I think that adequately describes how important we feel they/you are.

So by all means send in your resume or CV, along with photos if you think it will help, and wait for us to get back in touch. Don't stop eating while you wait though.


"I'm sending this for my 17yo son! Who has been gaming for as far back as I can remember! He's mastered Halo and all it's components! He's an avid Runescape player! And he's unschooled/homeschooled here in the wonderful town of Cabarete! He would love.....I think he would love to come help you all out! He games for hours and hours and days and days at a time! I'm sure he would be a great asset in your presence! So, yes this is his really awesome mom, sending this lovely message! For real.....he'd love to come hang out and see what y'all are all about!"

Thank you for your enquiry. Is this an application for the position of ninja coder? Has your son been schooled in the art of ninja coding, specifically Latin++, and can he follow the path to enlightment under the guidance of the Jazan Sensei?

If not we may have some more general vacancies coming up, as and when the overworked schoolkids we use drop dead from exhaustion and overindulgence in gummy bears. If I may suggest he spends some time

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